How do you start the divorce process here in New Jersey? A peaceful divorce does not start with one partner filing paperwork and serving the other. Hiring a divorce attorney and surprising your spouse by serving paperwork is never a good idea. After years of helping clients through their divorce journey, I have learned that an efficient and effective divorce starts with the couple committing to an amicable divorce. For everyone, including children, it is important first to decide the divorce process and second to select an attorney faithful to that process with whom you are comfortable. It is much better to start off on a peaceful path.
Once you know you are moving forward with the divorce, you must decide how you will divorce. And here you do have several options. The first question to ask yourselves is, “do you want to negotiate or litigate?” The former includes mediation, or a negotiation process, either cooperative or collaborative divorce, which relies on an atmosphere of respect, honesty, cooperation, and integrity geared toward the future well-being of the family. Whereas litigation, which I do not recommend, is when you each hire attorneys and prepare for battle. This is more costly, complex, and time consuming.
Deciding to divorce doesn’t mean you have to fight. In fact, it’s often the end of the fighting. Families change when parents separate, but parenting does not end. Separation and divorce is a time to begin new parenting responsibilities and a new parenting relationship. Once you decide to use a peaceful process, gather all your documents. We will need your marriage license, information on your children, and the most recent copy of all financial statements. Collect these as a couple. Then,start to think about your goals. For example, how will you leave the marriage financially comfortable for the future or what do you want your parenting schedule to look like considering your work schedules, children’s activities, and holidays? Do not make demands or draw lines in the sand. Those actions are not productive.
While it is unlikely you will have all the answers right away, starting to think about this will help identify problems requiring resolution.
The legal aspects of your divorce are actually fairly simple to file and have processed through the court once your agreements are in place. You may hear from friends and family about how long and painful the divorce process is going to be – that just isn’t true. Lengthy court battles are usually constructed by attorneys and their clients who enjoy fighting and “want their day in court.” In reality, before you get to a judge, you will have to go through a mediation process, so why not start a peaceful resolution process from the beginning?
As you and your spouse make these important decisions, I am here to help.